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7월 15일 What Books to Bring Aboard
Air travelers are in deep woes these days, with ubiquitous cancellations and delays, ever more cramped legroom, and overpriced, over-refrigerated sandwiches. The only escape, it seems, is to bring a couple of great books on board with you. However, choosing a good airplane companion book is not as simple as you think. Here are several principles of choosing a felicitous air-travel book based on my personal experience and observations.
1. The Rule of Engagement
Air travel is not a good time to push the boundaries of your literary tastes. Only bring books that are interesting and engaging. No matter how enchanting is the fantasy of relishing, say, James Joyce's "Ulysses", or Fyodor Dostoyevsky's "Crime and Punishment", at an altitude of 20,000 feet, if you did pack such books in your carry-on bag, you would quickly find yourself either snoring away, ordering from SkyMall, or chatting with the old lady next seat about each of her grandchildren. So leave your literary ambitions at home, together with the IRS Guide to Tax Preparation.
2. The Power of the Lightness
Thick books are a no-go. The cash-strapped airlines have long been charging for (lousy) food, (barely stereo) earphones, (ancient) pay-per-view movies; several have recently added a fee for all checked-in baggage, and it's widely rumored that they will soon charge for carry-on luggage as well as pillows and blankets, or even set fares according to each passenger's body weight, or charge a landing fee to let you off the plane.
Under such circumstances, thou shalt not bring the 1296-page "War and Peace" when traveling. Besides, in the case that you decide to read Proust's "In Search of Lost Time" in the air, the TSA officers may not let you go through the security point, since the seven-volume monster can potentially be used as lethal weapons.
3. The Middle-Seat Factor
The third principle, according to my own experience, is most often neglected. With its unusual physical and mental confinement, air travel strips from its passengers both their right to and their respect for privacy. After sitting next to a fellow passenger for six hours and recycling each other's breathing air, you are often wondering whether you know him better than his best friend: what he does for a living, what he typed away on his laptop, what type of onion and garlic he had for lunch, and, of course, what book he read on the flight.
So I believe we all have a social obligation not to offend our next-seat passengers with the books we read. Sure it could be embarrassing that the book you read may subjugate you to sneer and snicker (e.g., the cover says "Now a Major Motion Picture"), but it's far worse if your book sends others into embarrassment, fear, or even panic. For instance, in the post-9/11 world, it can be more than a little disturbing to others if you are seen reading a book in Arabic. Especially if you also have a habit of talking to yourself with eyes closed.
Since you often cannot predict who you'll be sitting next to, it is an advisable habit to eliminate certain usual suspects. If you're sitting next to a mother with a ten-year-old girl, you'll regret having brought "Lolita". Or, if your fellow passenger's mid-section unfortunately hangs over the armrest, I bet you don't dare to take "The Obesity Epidemic" out of your suitcase.
Once I was on a coast-to-coast flight, and sitting next to me was a nice-looking young guy who seemed rather bored. For a moment I thought he looked my way and wanted to say something, but then he didn't. For the rest of the flight, he devoted himself to reading the safety instructions. It wasn't until the plane touched down that I realized what actually happened: for the whole time I was reading Maureen Dowd's feminist tirade "Are Men Necessary?"
Poor guy. He must be thinking that a woman reading such a book is quickly metamorphosizing into a dangerous feline, complete with claws and fangs. I hope he was not seriously preparing himself for the emergency exit. 9월 1일 Plutonic LoveMy scientific literacy development ground to a halt by elementary school. Whatever I learned afterwards about science and nature was emptied out of my brain regularly, typically after quizzes, midterms and finals, which runs parallel to my current compulsive cleaning-up of my computer's recycle bin once a day. I never felt the need to update. Because what we learned in the science textbooks in elementary school seems to be the absolute, indisputable truths. Heat expands, cold contracts. Stuff breaks down to molecules, which then break down to atoms, and, then, electrons and protons and neutrons. We live in the solar system, in which nine planets orbit around the sun. Oops. We've got a problem here. Last week, the International Astronomical Union met in Prague, passed a new definition of the planet, effectively demoting Pluto from the status of a planet to that of a "dwarf planet." So now, there are only eight of them; Pluto, being ridiculed for being too small, was stripped of his epaulettes and kicked out of the planet club. For one thing, such a taxonomic fluff doesn't make sense to me -- scientists should have better things to do than shuffling labels around with Post-it's. Moreover, I took this personally. Pluto is, or was, my favorite planet. True, Pluto doesn't seem to belong in the country club. It's too cool for the other eight. It's idiosyncratic, mysterious, private, too distant from the Earth to be landed with a voyeuristic robot; it has a bizarrely oblong orbit of 247 years' worth of revolution cycle, part of which intersects with Neptune's orbit; it has a large moon, Charon, which looks almost like its twin. But should we ostracize Pluto because it's eccentric? And what about people like me who love Pluto? And me being a Scorpio, Pluto is supposed to be my ruling planet. Now my horoscope is shut; I'm denied of cosmic guidance. Should I still call Pluto my ruling planet-like/thing? And, what if some linguistic pundits were to meet in some former Soviet colony and vote 'q', the least used English letter, off the alphabet, maintaining that 'q', in fact, is just a 'dwarf letter', or 'assistant letter'? Sure it'd help to make the whole 'Iraq' headache evaporate. But what happens to someone named 'Jacqueline'? Just because something appears off the center stage doesn't mean it is inconsequential. The astronomers argued that if Pluto were counted a planet, then some other small icy rocks and asteroids, like Xena, Sedna and Ceres, would also qualify as planets. My take? Give me back my Pluto, and I'll try to tolerate all his boorish relatives. Can't everyone see that Pluto is way out of their league? Just look at the names. Ceres, Xena, Sedna -- these sound like off-the-rack names for Toyota's next car model. Pluto is the God of the Underworld. And labeling it a dwarf planet doesn't make it a demigod. So that's the catch: amidst all this academic squabble, my insouciant Pluto doesn't care a bit what they said. 6월 6일 Where Did All the Research Grants Go?I'm an earnest reader of health and medical news. Not that I'm one of those people who are paranoid about fitness and health -- I read them as entertainment. I'm often fascinated by the claims (which sometimes contradict each other on the same page) as well as the methodology and logic (which often sound like flimsy or fishy pseudo-science to someone trained in statistics; frequently tenuous correlation masquerading as causality). Here are a couple of interesting ones I've recently read: 1. Health Canada (Canada's counterpart of US's FDA) issues a health-hazard warning that eating more than two lobsters per day may be unhealthy because of the possible presence of paralytic shellfish poison contained in lobster tomalleys (the very green organ in the thorax of the lobster that functions as some combination of liver and pancreas). My take: Dear Health Canada, with due respect, how many people can afford to eat three or more lobsters per day to rationalize the usefulness of such a study? Where can I find those people? (I don't even mind going to Canada; I ain't kidding.) 2. BBC reported a study published in the British Medical Journal that claims that swimming with dolphins helps alleviate mild to moderate depression. My take: Greatest invention since Prozac. So now, when I feel the morning blues, instead of getting a triple-shot espresso or popping down Paxil pills or calling my best friend for a therapeutic gossip session or going on a shoe-shopping spree, I should book myself a ticket to Miami and hang out with the dolphins? Gimme a break. By the way, did the researchers ask how the dolphins feel after swimming with humans? I have a hunch that they may get depressed. 4월 19일 Kids, Watch the Pro!My nomination for the Annual Darwin Awards is this grotesquely funny story: A DEA agent was asked to give a firearm safety presentation to a group of Florida kids. No sooner had he claimed that he was the only person in the room professional enough to handle a gun than he accidentally shot himself in the foot. (Buckle up before watching the video here. I'm positive a class presentation like this is what many kids have secretly longed for throughout their childhood and puberty.) To add more tickles to the farce, the guy subsequently sued DEA for illegally disseminating the videotape because it ruined his career as an undercover agent and as a motivational public speaker. Infinitely sympathetic as I am to Mr. Paige's plight, I'm not sure he'll be granted a trial. Nevertheless, if he ever gets a trial, I have a piece of advice for him to consummate his adventure and cement his Darwin Award: In the court, when insisting on demonstrating his firearm handling expertise, he can accidentally (i) shoot the cast of his injured foot, (ii) shoot his other foot, or (iii) shoot the judge. Reading stories like this (which you'll find in abundance at the Darwin Award website) invariably and inevitably lightens up my logically tired mind with sparkling pleasure. "Stupidity is something unshakable. Nothing attacks it without breaking itself against it; it is of the nature of granite, hard and resistant," said Flaubert, one of my favorite writers. Stupidity is the dead end of knowledge, the blind spot of reason, and, for better or worse, the beginning of happiness. 3월 29일 Live Auction Coming UpWhat's in the spotlight at the School at this moment is the Annual Internship Fund Auction, whereby the School of Management students, faculty, staff, and alumni donate their goods and services, which are auctioned off to financially support first-year MBAs seeking summer internships in non-profit organizations. It may sound like a dough, but it's actually lots of fun every year. Some hot items for bidding this year: Latin Monty: Opening Bid: $10.00; Estimated Value: Priceless "Just for one night. A night truly unforgettable... for better or (most likely) for worse... finely tuned dancing machines performing the world famous LATIN MONTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The more you bid, the less they'll wear. ..Starring: Patrick Swayze, Al-burrito, El Tigre, The Love Emperor, The Italian Stallion, The Persian Prince, and last, but not least, Deep Blue Sexy Eyes." "The more you bid, the less they'll wear"? Seems they're finally coming to terms with Data Analysis I. Dessert every month for a year: Opening Bid: $30.00; Estimated Value: $250.00 "Starting May 1, 2006 and continuing through May 1, 2007, the winner will receive a monthly dessert of their choice (pie, cake, crisp, brownie, etc.)... Something Sweet, a New Haven production bakery, will ship the dessert to anywhere in the continental United States" Great deal, but the winner may want to register for a year-long WeightWatcher membership as well. Belly Dancing Lesson a la Diana and Hande: Opening Bid: $5.00; Estimated Value: $30.00 "Beyonce has done it in Sean Paul's video, Shakira's been doing it since 'wee' little, and Britney will surely learn how to after her 5th pregnancy...what is this?? Belly Dancing of course...learn how to shake those hips that beckon to be shaken with an ancient Middle Eastern art form that has recently made its way into Hollywood. Diana and Hande will teach you, at the speed of your choice, how to make an unforgettable impression at a party!!" Aha, is MBA gonna be the shorthand for Moving Belly Abruptly? Things I bet would be highly desirable but aren't available this year: 1a: Punch your most disliked professor in the stomach. Opening bid: $50; 1b: Punch your most disliked professor in the head. $200. 2a: Saturday Night Out with the hottest girl in class. $100. 2b: Saturday Night Out with the hottest girl in class after alcohol has impaired her judgment. $500. 3a: A one-to-one seminar on "Loopholes for Executives" with Prof. Vroom of Corporate Governance. $300 3b. A one-to-one seminar on "Loopholes for Executives" with Prof. Vroom of Corporate Governance, with a diploma in the end bearing Mr. Jeffrey Skilling's autograph. $1,000 4a: "I'll Be Your Gym Buddy!" A professional trainer will accompany you to the gym three times a week to help you build up a personalized work-out routine. $60 4b: "I'll Be Your Gym Buddy!" A roly-poly classmate will accompany you to the gym three times a week to make you feel more comfortable and less embarrassed. $200 3월 10일 America's Next President (II)Here's a tentative list of front-runners in the Presidential race. Harry Whittington (Republican) The Austin lawyer might get a surprise nomination in the Republican Primary thanks to Vice President's generous apologetic gesture after accidentally shotgunning him in the face. Campaign slogan: "Give Harry a Shot!" Jim McGreevey (Democrat) The former New Jersey governor, who resigned after publicly confessing an affair with a male employee, might garner widespread sympathy and support due to the overwhelming popularity of the movie "Brokeback Mountain". Now we understand that he is just another Ennis or Jack. Campaign slogan: "Make America Happy and Gay!" Arnold Schwarzenegger (Republican) As the U.S. increasingly grapples with obesity and its ensuing burdens on the already fragile health-care system (by the year 2010, half of the North American children will be overweight), the former Mr. World seems America's only hope to whip it into shape. Under Mr. Schwarzenegger's reign, all McDonald's and Burger King stores will be closed and converted to community gyms, Krispy Kreme will have to offer a full salad and sushi bar, and the New York Marathon will become compulsory. Restaurant menus shall note the total calories of each item, as well as calories from fat and trans fat. Income tax will be inversely proportional to body mass index (BMI) to encourage fitness and healthy lifestyle. So, say, suckers like Michael Moore has to pay more tax than Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson combined. Moreover, Mr. Schawarzegger's Austrian origin and international stardom would also help repair the floundering relationship between the U.S. and the rest of the world, especially with "the Old Europe." Campaign Slogan: "Arnold Wins, You Lose...Weight" 3월 9일 America's Next President (I)I got the
idea for this post when I chanced upon a car's bumper sticker: "Is it
2008 yet?" Yeah, we are so fed up with Bush. When people feel
disgruntled with the status quo yet incapable of changing it, they
reconcile themselves to looking forward. Hence religion. Hence
the bumper sticker. I was born and raised in a communist country, where, in my recollection, my parents' civil rights to vote were strictly limited to electing the head of the Neighborhood Committee for the small local residential community. The chief responsibilities of that person consisted of collecting utility fees, distributing family-planning flyers, and reprimanding wife-beating men, rather than commanding troops and nukes. Despite the triviality of such duties, our neighbors usually exercised their voting rights discreetly, and, I'm quite positive, would not elect someone who would steal their money to finance a street fight, wiretap their telephones, glance sideways as their homes are flooded, and hire an insidious-looking guy with a bizarre name (e.g., United Arab Emirates) to guard their doors. The old adage has it that let the bygones be bygones. So, who'll win in 2008? 2월 5일 Regretable ErrorsOne of my favorite pastimes is to read the corrections page in
newspapers and to collect the interesting ones. Here're some gems I've
collected over the years. Spring Rebound? From the New York Times The Field Notes column last Sunday, about marriage and the Chinese New Year, misstated the timing of lichun, the Chinese beginning of spring. It falls in February, between the winter solstice and the spring equinox, not midway between the winter and summer solstices. A State and A People Denver Daily News The Denver Daily News would like to offer a sincere apology for a typo in Wednesday's Town Talk regarding New Jersey's proposal to ban smoking in automobiles. It was not the author's intention to call New Jersey 'Jew Jersey.' Dangerous Liaison From the Dallas Morning News: Norma Adams-Wade's June 15 column incorrectly called Mary Ann Thompson-Frenk a socialist. She is a socialite. Fuzzy Numbers From New Zealand's Dominion Post: In yesterday's Terry Hall column Fletcher Building revenues should have been $3.9 billion rising to $4.6 billion in the latest year, not $4661 billion. Carter Holt's revenues should have been $3.5 billion, with a broker forecast of $3.19 billion, not $3193 billion as reported. Historical Preposition
From the New York Times:An obituary of the civil rights leader James Forman yesterday misstated a word in describing his call, in 1969, for reparations to be paid by Protestant and Jewish groups for the crimes of slavery. Mr. Forman asked for $500 million for crimes perpetrated against generations of blacks, not "by" them. Correction as Weapon? From the Washington Post Earlier versions of this story incorrectly reported that C. Boyden Gray was not going to be ambassador to the European Union in Brussels. He did not get a confirmation vote in the Senate, but President Bush gave him a recess appointment for two years. Two Birds, One Stone? From the Guardian: In our G2 cover story about Hunter S Thompson yesterday we mistakenly attributed to Richard Nixon the view that Thompson represented "that dark, venal and incurably violent side of the American character". On the contrary, it was what Thompson said of Nixon. Otherwise, OK? From the Guardian (credit of the New Yorker) In our profile of Daniel Dennett (pages 20-23, Review, April 17), we said he was born in Beirut, he was born in Boston. His father died in 1947, not 1948. He married in 1962, not 1963. The seminar at which Stephen Jay Gould was rigorously questioned by Dennett's students was Dennett's seminar at Tufts, not Gould's at Harvard. Dennett wrote Darwin's Dangerous Idea before, not after, Gould called him a "Darwinian fundamentalist". Only one chapter in the book, not four, is devoted to taking issue with Gould. The list of Dennett's books omitted Elbow Room, 1984, and The International Stance, 1987. The marble sculpture, recollected by a friend, that Dennett was working on in 1963 was not a mother and child. It was a man reading a book. 11월 11일 Five Ways to Tame Nasty StudentsToday I had lunch
with a senior professor from a midwest B-school. He's a very
interesting person. Aside from his 25-page-long publication list, he's
also a great sportsman: he used to run the New York Marathon, and he
used to be the European Champion of Karate!
During our chat, I
asked him whether and how his earlier Karate experience affects his
life now. "Oh, it comes into use when you teach the MBAs," he said
matter-of-factly. "The nasty ones are always within slapping distance."
That compelled me to
seriously think of some survival skills for business-school
professors, especially the rookies. Here're a few suggestions.
1. Learn karate.
For reason stated above. Likely alternatives include boxing, tae kwon do, judo, Chinese martial arts, and Brazilian capoeira. Swiss therapeutic massage is not an option. 2. Make believe you're French.
So you'll be forgiven for not understanding questions asked in English. The downside is that you do have to speak French. 3. Pretend to be John Roberts.
"Sorry I cannot address this question in specific terms because this issue may come before the board one day." The downside is that you probably cannot use it too liberally; otherwsie you'll find yourself in the Dean's Office looking at your way-off-the-chart evaluation ratings. 4. Win a Nobel Prize.
Besides the monetary perk and parking privilege (e.g., at Berkeley), a Nobel Prize will also carry with it a formidable blow to the MBA ego, supersized and undeflatable though it usually is. With a Nobel aura on your head, if you talk about simple stuff, the students will believe they're oversimplifying your statements of wisdom; if you talk about the complex, alas, they will believe they've got an incomparable bang for the buck out of their tuitions, although they have no clue what you're talking about. The downside is... well, there's probably no downside at all. The only downside possible is that the chance of winning a Nobel Prize is depressingly low; you might have a better chance of a good life by quitting your academic career and starting to buy lottery tickets now. 5. Allow laptops in class. It'll guarantee better results if used in combination with the encouragement of real-time instant messaging. The number of questions asked in class is generally negatively correlated with the number of distractions, e.g., web browsing, NFL fantasy football game, two birds wrestling outside the classroom, in-class wine tasting experiment, and exceptionally attractive female students. The last may prove counter-effective, though, since those male smartypants may exert themselves more to bother you in class so as to make an impression. |
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